BABY LESSONS

A silent sob takes over me. I really thought I was passed days of feeling like this. Like I don't want to wake up tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal. Some days are just hard and you want to go to sleep and wake up a year later knowing the problem is long gone. We all feel like that at some point. Life can be overwhelming.

I sniffle and bury my head under my covers as Janelle hops into bed. She snuggles close and hugs me tight. Her face is distorted by sadness and I hate it. She has some fat heart and is quite lovable and adorable.

Oh Lizzie. You suck sometimes.

She bursts into tears and we cry together. Mourning my loss and celebrating our bond together, as we always have.

"Na-na-nakupenda, Lizzie," she coos amidst the tears. "Who should we hate for hurting you?"

See what I mean?

Lovable.

I smile lightly. "Honey, I don't want hate seeping through your pores. You are too beautiful for hatred. Nakupenda so..." she starts snoring softly before I could finish.  So I kiss her forehead and pull her close before my own thoughts swamp me.

Mental note; buy new colouring pencils.

See, my niece is only six years old and she is no snooky baby like me. I was blessed enough to watch her grow up, learning a lot in the process. I used to be some delicate blossoming flower but days around her turned me into a thriving weed. And that, trust me, is a good thing. All the cases I had to solve were of her beating the life out other kids because they overstepped their border. She happens to be quite opinionated and never fails to state pieces of her mind. This little beautiful girl took me under her wings and gave me a new motto: "Don't take shit!"

I really did win some "best niece" lottery. This kid is the object of my affections. She taught me how to love, and give. She is like my second sister. She holds me in affection like the first, but only attends more closely! I share my heart with her more often than most. She does have the color of a parent, if you ask me. I put before her emotions I dare not lay in anyones path. When I send Janelle a sorrow she returns it to me mended. .She always has a remedy. That is because merriment is her finest gown so I cant help but gather delights each time I set eyes on her; delights enough to make my struggles small.

Janelle has some fine sense of wonder. She counts neither past nor future as the present utterly contents her. Watching her tender trusting face does make me solemn especially when I consider the fickleness of possibility. Life really does add weight to innocence.How I wish I could know about her tomorrow and shield her from its darkness. But she once told me that children are nearer to God because they arrived recently. That is the reason she gives for having to be the one to conduct our bedtime prayer. She is closer to God. See, she is the sharpest tool in the shed. But then again, I find proximity to God fugitive-and quite frightening. I am more comfortable with distance.