MY BIGGEST ENEMY

I hate having to talk about this but one way or the other, reality must be faced!! Ok, wait. My morning hasn’t been the loveliest. One, I woke up late (at 5.00 a.m) and so couldn’t catch up with the news. My alarm didn’t go off (could be too old for its liking I guess!), that’s why. I hate having to wake up late coz it messes my whole schedule plus I’m always so worked up at the end of the day. Secondly, I’m offline-can’t call Reagan and Wajia, can’t text Sunshine and Raj as routine has it. These are the people who keep my sanity on check and at least make me feel human enough. I even forgot to wake Raj (my sleepy-head) up and I’m praying he’s not late for his classes (CPA lectures which he so ‘loves’!). Third, I had missed out on a programming job yesterday and the disappointment hadn’t worn off as such. To seal it all, I got to the office only to realize I had left the keys in the house!! How worse can my days get?!!? That aside.

When I was four, dad told me an enemy is anything or anyone that stands on our way as we race to the top. Basically put, they are the obstacles and distractions that come our way on the road to success. And trust me, I have several enemies!! Apparently one of my biggest challenges right now is to challenge my laziness and self doubt. I’m too lazy to even take initiative. I’ve lost the self trust I used to have. And where did all the enthusiasm I had go? I cringe whenever I confess this but change will only come through my acceptance of this truth: I AM MY BIGGEST ENEMY!!

I don’t know why but I’m always fighting against myself. “I can’t do this”, “I can’t afford this”, “I’m still too young for that” and so many other lame excuses the world has had no crutches for. Must I always deny myself access to stuff I so badly need? Why do I say “I can’t afford it” to a house or car I’ve always dreamt of owning? Why do I say “I can’t do this” to something that will be of benefit to me at the end of the day? Must I always lose trust in myself whenever responsibilities arise? Now this is what dad would call pure insanity!!

Saying I am contented to be where I am presently would be a bit glib. I am more than ready to change. And changing from being my worst enemy to my best friend is not exactly very easy but I got to do it. To refuse change is to get oneself into a rut and the difference between a rut and a grave is the dimensions! And seriously, I haven’t achieved enough to want myself dead!!! What legacies have I to leave behind anyway?

If there’s someone I love it’s Sila Joy Monthe! She is just the best friend anyone would ask for. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have discovered I was my biggest enemy let alone taking my biggest step towards acceptance. She can get really ruthless when I don’t run my life as I should but I still can’t help but thank her for the far I’ve come. Great pal there.

You don’t have to deny yourself the satisfaction of having what you want!! You’ve done that severally already and I’m assuming you’re familiar with the pain of not having what you love. So give yourself a rest (a change is as good as that anyway) by being your best friend. That transition is thrilling!!You sure don’t want to miss out, do you?